Australia is Trying to Kill me!!!

The entire country of Australia is out to get me! That's right, I am about 99.99999 % sure that a hit was put out on me, and when I say 'hit,' I mean a bird crapped on my car... I could have died! I mean, what if this happened when I was driving? I could have tried to clean it off with my wipers, then it would be all smeared - I could get into a serious accident! I know you're dying to know how this came about, so here is what happened:

I did something so horrible, I am still regretting it now... I went into the Outback Steakhouse to ask a question (if you don't know what this is, it's an Australian restaurant in the United States). ANYWAY, I went in for about 5 minutes at the most, and what did I find when I left? A bird s#*t on my car! Never in my life has this happened... I'm pretty certain that there is a direct link to the Outback being Australian and the damn bird! I bet it was an Australian bird... bastard! Needless to say, I felt horrible... I can't believe I committed such a hideous act! Never again...