Five Reasons Women Hate Me

Recently it has come to my attention that women hate me. Why? Simply because I exist. I haven't done anything to "provoke" said hatred, however it seems to be quite abundant.

I've been attempting to come up with a logical explanation for this phenomena. Perhaps I'm too bitchy? Maybe a horrible person? ... but then my true friends tell me to stop being stupid because I am none of those.Over the last few weeks here is what I have come up with so far:

5) They feel inferior because my GPA is bigger than theirs! Intelligence is threatening to some people. I personally don't think I am particularly intelligent, but I have been told that this is one of the many factors which attribute to females hating me.

4) I have awesome fashion sense, I mean look at the picture to the right... there is a freaking bird on my sweater!!! How awesome is that? If you are wanting one of these lovely creations you are out of luck. I fashioned this snazzy number out of Christmas tree decorations and staples - true story!

If you are legitimately wondering why the heck I would wear such an ugly thing, it is because I entered an ugly sweater contest. Needless to say, I won.

3) I have a pretty sweet mustache. I've been growing it for almost 24 years! I get compliments about it all the time. Try not to be too jealous of me though. I mean, it's not a "real" mustache... With enough practice your mustache can be as awesome as mine... maybe!

If you're not able to perfect the finger mustache, you do have the option of buying a stick-on mustache. You can even get one for your car!

2) I particularly enjoy being in the kitchen <--- true story! Whenever anyone tells me to get back to the kitchen, I am more than happy to oblige. Being in the kitchen brings me immense joy, which cannot be obtained by being in the living room, laundry room, or even the hallway. The kitchen is a happy place for me. I could spend hours on end in the kitchen making delicious treats.

In all seriousness, I do enjoy cooking/baking, and would honestly like to start my own bakery one day... *fingers crossed it happens!* The cupcakes on the right are actually cupcakes I made. They were margarita cupcakes, and they tasted pretty darn fantastic. If I remember correctly, I made 48 of them for Cinco de Mayo, and they were demolished! 

1) I have a Harry Potter outfit, which includes a cape. I'm pretty sure this needs no explanation. This outfit has a cape, so it is amazing by default! Try not to be too jealous of me... you can get your very own in a Halloween store, which happen to be opening at this time of year. I don't usually like dressing up, but last Halloween I decided to give it a go again. I definitely enjoyed myself. I didn't really appreciate the sexual jokes about magic wands and such, but I guess that can't be helped.

On a side note: the shoes didn't come with the outfit, but I'm sure you can find something to match the outfit.

My life's ambition is not to please anyone else. I'm going to act, dress, and be who I want to be, not who you want me to be! If my existence offends you, too bad. You and your ovaries can get over it!