Does My Body Make Me Look Fat?

Believe it or not, I was incredibly insecure while I was growing up. As the second of eight siblings I felt like I was constantly being compared with my siblings. I was also teased and called "fat" when I wasn't. To put things into perspective I was about 5 ft 4 and 100 pounds... so "technically" underweight. Sadly, the one thing which stood out the most was being teased about my weight. It doesn't take a genius to realize I wasn't "fat", but because of the constant teasing I began to believe I was overweight. I'd rather not divulge all of the consequences, but I began obsessing with my weight. I had to work out all of the time... although I did enjoy working out, I know realize that it wasn't healthy at the time because it began to consume my life.

Fast-forward to the present -- I have gained weight in the last few years. To most it is not noticeable -- in fact, people get mad if I tell them I've gained weight, or just tell me I'm crazy. Whether you agree or not, I have. It's not a ton, but I definitely notice it. The funny thing is, I really don't mind! I'm actually pretty happy with the way I look. I have a better self image now than I did in the past. I'm not entirely sure how that came about, but I am more than okay with that.

Today we are bombarded from every direction with advertisements that tell us we should look a certain way, but I refuse to give in to the current "Hollywood" fad of being an anorexic twig (sorry if I offend anyone, I'm just trying to make a point). As I get older I am growing more and more comfortable with the way I look, and who I am as a person. If you asked me in the past if I was happy with the way I looked my honest answer would have been no. I really thought I would get more insecure with age... maybe I'm just a weirdo. Whatever it is, as long as I'm alive, healthy, and I have my family, that is all that really matters!

I'm a Cut You... Out of My Life

Last night was not particularly enjoyable for me. It started out good, but ended badly. A friend of mine flipped out on me, then I (being a genius) decided to walk a few miles back to my car in the middle of the night <--- really not my best decision. After this I was contacted and asked to call the friend in the morning. Really? Call you after you were rude/mean to me.

You may be wondering what my friend did... long story short she drunkenly told me I wasn't a good friend. That was pretty confusing to me because I wouldn't consider myself a bad friend to this person, but hey, if hanging out, being nice, and giving rides to places is being a bad friend then I'm more than happy to remain in the "category." When I asked why I was a bad friend (because I genuinely wanted to know if I was doing something which was not appropriate for our friendship) she wasn't able to give me reasons.

This morning they asked me to call them... I'm guessing either to tell me how stupid I was for walking away from them or maybe apologize... who knows. I know for a fact that I'm going to have to deal with this person, but right now I really just want to be by myself / only see people who don't tell me I am a "bad friend" for no reason. Seriously, if you're going to accuse me of being a bad friend tell me what I did (I asked and she was unable to give me any reasons).

So, I am sorry [friend], I'm need space, and I'm a cut you out of my life for a short time. If you decide to tell me why I am a bad friend, I'll change it. If I'm not a bad friend, tell me so we can move on from this. And please, don't drunkenly yell at me without telling me why -_-

Stop Being an Idiot!

If one more person in the United States talks about New Zealand and Australia being the same I will punch them in the face. I'm not even kidding. I am sick and tired of people doing comparing them. "Oh, you're from New Zealand... that's like Australia, right?" WRONG! Are you mentally challenged?  Do you need to have your ability to make decisions questioned because you are retarded? No! New Zealand and Australia are separate countries! Want to know how separate? Google maps can't even calculate a route, and it gives you directions from Japan to the United States!

I am beyond over having to deal with this! If I recognize the United States as a separate country from Canada and Mexico you sure as hell better give me the same courtesy. At least there is a sea between my country (New Zealand) and Australia - Canada and Mexico don't have the luxury. So stop being morons! New Zealand and Australia are separate counties! If you have difficulty acknowledging that, go to Walmart and get a map!  

Feel Inside and Stuff Like That!

Tonight, as usual, I was watching heaps of videos on YouTube -- I'm not going to sugar coat it... I'm addicted to YouTube. Of course ended up going through my "favorites." This prompted me to listen to Feel Inside and Stuff Like That which is a song by New Zealand musicians to raise money for a charity organization called Cure Kids which raises money for medical research. I thought I would share this gem with you all. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

If you want more information about the song / project, you can watch another video <click here>. It is a lot longer, but thoroughly enjoyable! You can purchase this song on iTunes and the proceeds will go to Cure Kids. Here are the lyrics: 

Feel Inside and Stuff Like That

There are children who are so unwell, 

They have to live their lives in hospitals, 

They're feeling lospital, 

Mospital.

Children getting sicker, 

Drinking too much bubble mixture, 

They all just wanna be bubbles, 

They all just wanna be bubbles.

There must be something we can do, 

To stop these kids from doing spews.

Feel inside, 

And stuff like that, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids, 

Feel inside, 

And stuff like that, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids.

Kids need us to come together, 

We can make them better, 

We can get them some feta.

Can raffle scooters cars and movie vouchers, 

John stop blowing all the money on couches.

We need a million and a hundred, 

Ten and twenty-one dollars.

We need to build a trap so we can catch all the robbers, 

We'll take their money, 

We'll rob the robbers, 

So we can fill a house, 

Fill a house full of dollars.

We'll go to peoples and ask to borrow some money, 

They'll probably all just give us some money, 

We give them back less money and cause a confusion, 

That's the solution, 

Yeah that's the collusion.

Feel inside, 

And stuff like that, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids, 

Feel inside, 

Feel inside, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids.

The banks got the money the money, 

They get it from the prime minister, 

The prime minister gets it from the queen, 

The queen gets the money from the bank, 

Who gets it from the prime minister, 

The craziest financial system I've ever seen.

The kids that are sick can't do hip-hop anymore, 

Their tummies their tummies could be very sore, 

We've gotta dig for some oil and some cystals and gold, 

Collect teeth for the tooth fairy and put 'em in a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

In a bowl, 

A giant bowl, 

In a giant bowl.

Stop writing lyrics about yourself, 

Get your magic wallet up off the shelf, 

Oh no that wallet's not there anymore, 

I know late night come knock at my door.

We sneak in the room, 

Where my parents snore, 

My dad leaves his jeans lying on the floor, 

In his back packet there's a wallet we can score, 

Get about 50 dollars, 

Or maybe more.

Your dad catches you with wallet in hand, 

Say it's for the kids, 

He'll understand, 

Don't need to worry, 

Don't need to hide, 

I just tell my dad to feel inside.

Feel inside, 

And stuff like that, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids, 

Feel inside, 

And stuff like that, 

Open up the lids, 

Help help help the kids.

Top 5 Reasons Chuck Norris Should Run For President

With the upcoming 2012 electing approaching I have been bombarded with political information, and the sad thing is, even if I could vote, I wouldn't choose either of the candidates for president. If I could, I would vote for someone different.

You may be asking yourself who I would choose, and the answer is really quite obvious! There is only one person who comes to mind... A man who is intelligent beyond comprehension and stronger than any force imaginable. Who is this mystery man? Chuck Norris! It is an widely known fact that Chuck Norris is pretty darn amazing at absolutely everything. Chuck Norris has broken the speed of light and sound! He has also already explored every part of outer-space! You name it, if he wanted to, Chuck Norris could do it. But why president of the United States? Here is why: 

5) International Security: With Chuck Norris as President no country would dare start a war and democracy (or chuckocracy) would be practiced worldwide.

4) Intelligence: Chuck Norris is like Santa Claus. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Chuck Norris actually knows everything. It is a fact that all government and military branches go to Chuck Norris for intelligence information. If not roundhouse kicked to the face, the information they receive saves billions of lives. Chuck Norris is the one who informed the United States government of the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden. 

3) National Defense: Lets face it - with Chuck Norris as President there would be no need for any type of defense system. The military would exist purely for aesthetic reasons. Chuck Norris would personally train the entire U.S. military, and even donate his beard clippings to make Kevlar vests and other bullet proof materials.

2) Environmental Sustainability: Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick), and if tapped a single Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick could power the United States, along with the rest of the world, infinitely. 

1) He is Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris is better at everything than everyone who has ever existed and will exist. He has broken every record imaginable, and the only person who could ever beat Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. It goes without saying 

Electing Chuck Norris as President of the United States is the  best and only way to fix every problem not only in the United States, but also worldwide! It is also the only way world peace will come about. Chuck Norris is the way to a better tomorrow!

Chuck Norris for 2012 President of the United States!!!!

Five Reasons Women Hate Me

Recently it has come to my attention that women hate me. Why? Simply because I exist. I haven't done anything to "provoke" said hatred, however it seems to be quite abundant.

I've been attempting to come up with a logical explanation for this phenomena. Perhaps I'm too bitchy? Maybe a horrible person? ... but then my true friends tell me to stop being stupid because I am none of those.Over the last few weeks here is what I have come up with so far:

5) They feel inferior because my GPA is bigger than theirs! Intelligence is threatening to some people. I personally don't think I am particularly intelligent, but I have been told that this is one of the many factors which attribute to females hating me.

4) I have awesome fashion sense, I mean look at the picture to the right... there is a freaking bird on my sweater!!! How awesome is that? If you are wanting one of these lovely creations you are out of luck. I fashioned this snazzy number out of Christmas tree decorations and staples - true story!

If you are legitimately wondering why the heck I would wear such an ugly thing, it is because I entered an ugly sweater contest. Needless to say, I won.

3) I have a pretty sweet mustache. I've been growing it for almost 24 years! I get compliments about it all the time. Try not to be too jealous of me though. I mean, it's not a "real" mustache... With enough practice your mustache can be as awesome as mine... maybe!

If you're not able to perfect the finger mustache, you do have the option of buying a stick-on mustache. You can even get one for your car!

2) I particularly enjoy being in the kitchen <--- true story! Whenever anyone tells me to get back to the kitchen, I am more than happy to oblige. Being in the kitchen brings me immense joy, which cannot be obtained by being in the living room, laundry room, or even the hallway. The kitchen is a happy place for me. I could spend hours on end in the kitchen making delicious treats.

In all seriousness, I do enjoy cooking/baking, and would honestly like to start my own bakery one day... *fingers crossed it happens!* The cupcakes on the right are actually cupcakes I made. They were margarita cupcakes, and they tasted pretty darn fantastic. If I remember correctly, I made 48 of them for Cinco de Mayo, and they were demolished! 

1) I have a Harry Potter outfit, which includes a cape. I'm pretty sure this needs no explanation. This outfit has a cape, so it is amazing by default! Try not to be too jealous of me... you can get your very own in a Halloween store, which happen to be opening at this time of year. I don't usually like dressing up, but last Halloween I decided to give it a go again. I definitely enjoyed myself. I didn't really appreciate the sexual jokes about magic wands and such, but I guess that can't be helped.

On a side note: the shoes didn't come with the outfit, but I'm sure you can find something to match the outfit.

My life's ambition is not to please anyone else. I'm going to act, dress, and be who I want to be, not who you want me to be! If my existence offends you, too bad. You and your ovaries can get over it!

Creepers - ruining beautiful moments since forever!

Today I went on a wonderful 21 mile bike ride. The sun was shining, the scenery was beautiful, and there was a lovely ocean breeze. Some people would probably cringe at the very thought of such an activity, but I thought it would be the perfect way for me to spend my one day off this week.

Initially I planned to do a 20 mile bike ride. I mapped out my route, and set out. Along the way I encountered a couple of people who waved or politely said hi, but nothing too bad. I was pretty thrilled that I was being left alone for the majority of the ride. At the half way point I decided to take a detour to the beach. I like to go there to just sit and think... and clear my mind.

I stopped at the beach, and the scenery was so beautiful I decided to take a photo. So there I was, taking a picture, when some creeper said hi to me. I ignored him, and proceeded to take another picture. For some reason this idiot felt that my ignoring him was an invitation to sit in front of me with his guitar and attempt to talk to me. It wasn't. When he sat down, he asked me how my bike was. I said "it's good," and rode off.

My beautiful beach moment was ruined by a creeper! So here, creeper. Here is a note I have composed from the bottom of my heart. I hope you enjoy it!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Creeper,

Why would you even attempt to confront a woman who is by herself? I was clearly ignoring you / not even acknowledging your existence. Do you think I want to be hit on by stupid creepers? NO, I don't! Do us both a favor, and prevent yourself from seeming like a rapist, don't approach females when they are alone in a semi-secluded area. Hell, don't approach them at all if they look like they want to be left alone. It's not like I was sitting there looking around for someone to talk to. I was still on my bike, taking a picture!

Sincerely,

Me

P.s. I'm not impressed by the fact that you can play the guitar. I can play the guitar, piano, and violin. You actually sucked at playing the guitar.

F-you Life!

Generally I have pretty bad luck with life. This last week I realized some pretty good friends aren't as "good" as I thought, my ex decided to "be nice" to me (which also means he felt the need to give me hypocritical advice), found out a friend is just using me for their own personal agenda, and just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I get a flat tire on the way to work which means I couldn't hang out with one of my best friends tonight. What makes that worse is that she leaving the country in less than a month (my timing may be slightly off, but I'm still pretty disappointed).

This week has been pretty rough! I was expecting it to continue to be horrid, but (I am happy to say) the tides have turned. When I went to get the tire replaced, it was free! I brought new rear tires earlier this year for Hugo, (my car), so they were under warranty. I was not expecting this because as I was driving along the freeway a nail went into the tire. I am beyond happy right now! Hugo and I are happily reunited once again, and we shall stay together for quite some time... I hope so anyway!

When is it okay to touch a waitresses ass?

Answer: NEVER! You would think this would be common sense, but some pervert brushed his hand against my butt, and it was not by accident! The douche had plenty of space to go past me without doing this, so why would he do it? Because he is a disgusting pervert! I feel incredibly sorry for his wife, who coincidentally had 2 glasses of chardonnay (and probably more alcoholic beverages when she got home). My entire day was ruined from this experience. So thank you, jerk!

Restaurant Etiquette - Don't have it? Go to McDonalds!

Ever since I started working in the food service industry I have seen some pretty interesting things... the good, bad, and ugly of the food service industry. The restaurants I have worked for have actually been pretty outstanding, which is pretty outstanding considering the last couple are sushi restaurants which serve raw fish.  Using my experience working in restaurants, I have come up with 5 tips for visiting American restaurants:

5) Just because you are being waited on, doesn't mean your server is your slave. I have had people talk down to me, speaking as though I wasn't even worthy of touching their dirty plates. Little do they know that their server graduated top of their class, and was offered full tuition scholarships to 4 private universities. Don't act like you are better than people!

4) If your server forgets something, don't be afraid to ask for it again. A simple "was my [insert food or drink item] coming out?" This is particularly important if it is a busy restaurant. If I forget something I feel horrible, and I would rather be told multiple times, than just before a customer leaves. When I am serving, I really do aim to provide the very best service possible, so if a customer doesn't get what they want I am not happy. 

3) You are not the only / most important person in the restaurant, so wait patiently. Chances are, your server is doing the best they can to get everything you want to your table or booth. While you a waiting enjoy the conversation of your company. If food is taking a long time and you are starving, ask your server if there are any appetizers which don't take very much time to come out.

2) A simple please and thank you go a long way. When people ask for things politely and say thank you it really does make my day. Even if I have a ton of things on my mind (work related or not) it really does brighten my day to have a customer genuinely thank me. 

1) Tip at least 20 percent if you received good service. Nowadays it is the norm in America to tip 20 percent. I will admit to tipping under 20 percent, but that is because I am originally from a country where people don't expect tips (it's not a social norm). If you got all your food and the server was friendly, tip them accordingly. I have had people who tipped me absolutely nothing, and I did everything correctly. One of the people actually owned a sushi restaurant herself, so you would think she would have tipped something, but she did not.

The customers I have throughout the day really do impact how I feel at the end of the night. If they were all rude I end up feeling pretty shitty. If I have at least 1 kind, polite customer I go home incredibly happy. I somewhat doubt any of my favorite customer's will read this, but if they are I want to say thank you for being amazing! You really do make my days better!

There is such a thing as bad service, and if you notice it then more likely than not the server's boss or manager will too. If you have any questions about anything else regarding my experience working in restaurants, feel free to leave a comment and I will answer it.

Australian Hate Mail

Yesterday I received 2 harassing emails from Australians. It was particularly awkward because I couldn't quite get past all of the spelling and grammar errors the Aussies wrote. If you actually know me, it will be no surprise to you that I was deeply troubled by the atrocious emails.

Aussie and Proud writes: "Ur just bloody jealous of australians because no one gives a s*#t about new zealanders and you know it. Your countries not even acknowledged."

Well, hello to you too! I actually didn't have anything against Australians, but thanks for making me question my views! With that said, I do have one pointer for you and your fellow countryman who decided to harrass me: learn to write correctly if you are going to attempt to insult someone! Chances are they won't take you seriously, nor will they care, if you cannot even form a correct sentence.

1. "Ur" is not a word, it is you're.
2. "australians" is supposed to be capitalized as is "New Zealanders."
3. "countries is the plural for country... unless I stated that I was from various countries, it is country. 

Here is the correct way of writing your "insult": "You're just bloody jealous of Australians because no one gives a s*#t about New Zealanders and you know it. Your country is not even acknowledged."
Aussie Bloke writes: "Just another Kiwi who is upset with the fact that they people mistaken them for being an Aussie. No need to make yourself look really stupid mate." 

1. The first "sentence" is a fragment, which means it is not complete.
2. Reconsider the use of "they."
3. "Mistaken" is the incorrect conjugation of the verb mistake.
4. The second "sentence" is also fragmented. 
5. When addressing anyone in a sentence a coma is needed.

Here is the correct way of writing your "insult": "You're just another Kiwi who is upset with the fact that people mistake them for an Aussie. There is no need to make yourself look really stupid, mate."

I have friends from all around the world who say that they learn Oceania, not Australia (and many of these friends went to very elite schools). Additionally, the head of the honors program at my school personally apologized to me for having maps mislabeled. It was really awesome of you to send hate mail to a girl... really awesome of you! Clearly you are top notch individuals.

Now to address the real matter at hand! The internet is a public forum where people are free to express their ideas and opinions no matter what they are. If you feel so strongly about the matter at hand, write your own damn blog instead of harassing a girl. Heck, if you feel like llamas are going to take over the world, write about it -- as I stated earlier, you are more than free to do so. The internet also allows you to view what you want, when you want it... which brings up my next question: why did you even read my blog? The name clearly stated the content... it's not like I tricked you into reading it. If you don't like it, close the tab or browser!

To those who don’t already know, New Zealanders and Australians have a love hate relationship. Sure we tease each other, but when it comes down to it we don’t actually have anything against each other (with the exception of the rude males who messaged me). For example, last week I had an awesome conversation with an Aussie. We are from the same part of the world for goodness sake!!!

I am proud to be a New Zealander, and that will never change! My country is absolutely beautiful and has a rich cultural heritage. With that said, I would greatly appreciate it if the individuals who messaged me would kindly refrain from harassing me (and yes, it is harassment – look it up in the dictionary if you don’t believe me). No need to make yourself look stupid, mates! 

Coffee - The Nectar of the Gods

I'm going to be completely honest with you: I love coffee! I think about coffee constantly! Not a day goes by without it being on my mind. Coffee has always been there to help me when I can barely get out of bed in the morning and it supports me whenever I need it the most. As you can tell, I have a deep and meaningful relationship with coffee, but lately I feel like I have been kind of neglectful. From this moment on, I am going to do my best to spend more quality time with a nice hot cup of heaven (aka coffee).

I realize that the picture I have posted to this particular blog may be somewhat offensive to specific groups of people. I am merely posting it because it seemed fitting to my relationship with coffee. Unlike many people, when I drink coffee I don't get all wired and unable to sit still for 2 seconds. I have consumed enough caffeinated beverages in my lifetime to be able to sleep straight after having a triple shot espresso drink (or even an energy drink... or even both). There are times for noise and others call for a more tranquil environment (such as my drinking coffee). I like men, women, and children to be like the coffee I am drinking: quiet!

Coffee is the love of my life, and I will continue to work on our relationship one cup at a time!

I'd Rather be Decapitated by a Plastic Spoon than Call Customer Service

Some of the most painful experiences I have endured in the United States have been calling customer service for various companies. I'm not going to name names, but all of the phone companies I have dealt with have been pretty atrocious. It takes forever and a day to get through to an actual person, if you are able to do so at all. IF you get someone on the line 9 times out of 10 it is almost impossible to decipher what they are saying. I will admit that there have been a couple of times that I have had wonderful customer service, but statistically, the bad far outweigh the good. Due to some recent, frustrating interactions with customer service reps from a couple of companies (again, not naming names), I felt it was a good idea to come up with some tips to deal with this type of situation.

Tip 1) Remember, the person on the phone usually has little to no control over your product or service.  There is no reason for you to yell at the poor soul on the line. They are not the one in control of everything, so please keep this in mind.


Tip 2) Keep Calm and Carry on. This kinda ties into number one, but try to stay calm. If you feel the urge to yell or use explicit language which would not be appropriate for a small child, take a deep breath and carry on, without being too crazy. If it gets to the point where you are not able to be calm, ask the customer service rep if you are able to quickly grab a pen or something else which would be reasonable in the situation, put the phone on mute, and yell for a few minutes. Once you have it all out of your system, you may continue.


Tip 3) Take notes. In situations which are incredibly frustrating, it is pretty easy to forget what has been said. By taking notes, you can remember exactly what was said, and/or agreed upon, which will help you in the long run. If you need to do anything, and the customer service rep gives you info about how to do it, you are going to find it much easier to remember if you have it all written down.

Tip 4) You need some alone time. If your call is important, I recommend that you try to be away from people. Perhaps go into another room and make the call. If there are people around, sometimes it is not very easy to concentrate.


Tip 5) Don't forget that you can scream and yell all you want when you are off the phone. Hold in your rage until you are off the phone. If you want to punch a kitten while you are on the phone, refrain from doing so during the call... and after the call. I'd say that a punching bag or pillow is an excellent substitute for a kitten, which are way too adorable to punch. *Don't punch kittens!!!*


Hopefully these tips will help you out. Try not to take things personally and remember, customer service reps are people too - don't be mean.

Top Ten Men I Would Marry

For me to say "yes" to a marriage proposal, it is definitely going take a special man! So, I have complied a list of the top ten men I would marry. Some of these a pretty superficial, and in real life I wouldn't base my marriage decision on looks alone, I figured since this is just for fun I would throw in some eye candy for the ladies. Enjoy!

10) Alex Pettyfer - I'm going to be completely honest, before I made this blog I had absolutely no idea this guy even existed. He is a beautiful man, but aside from being an actor / model, I don't know too much about him... sorry...

9) Ryan Reynolds - To me a sense of humor is an important quality, and Ryan Reynolds definitely has one, and he is very easy on the eyes.

8) Channing Tatum - I can't say that I have watched many of his movies, but Channing is definitely a beautiful specimen of a man!

7) Sonny Bill Williams - New Zealand rugby union player, heavyweight boxer, and former rugby league player (I promise rugby league and union are different), Sonny Bill Williams is possibly the best looking guy I've ever seen participate in any sport.

6) The The Old Spice Guy - Isaiah Mustafa is the most magnificent men in the entire existence of the world. I don't really think this needs an explanation - if you have seen any of the old spice advertisements I'm sure you agree.

5) Brett from Flight of the Conchords - In the words of Jermaine: "Brett you got it going on (you've got it going on).That's the conclusion that I've come to."

4) Te Awanui Reeder - New Zealand singer Te Awanui not only has a Bachelor of Business, majoring in Management and Marketing, he is an awesome guy in general. 

3) Cave Johnson - I could listen to the voice of Portal 2, Cave Johnson. The founder and CEO of Aperture Science is essentially the most amazing, eccentric man to exist in the virtual world. Sadly, he is not alive, due to a moon-rock poisoning. You may have noticed that I have quoted Cave in my previous blogs I'm Going to Burn Down Life's House!

2) Ron Burgundy - San Diego's finest anchorman, Ron Burgundy is smoother than scotch, and he even plays the jazz flute. What more could a girl ask for??? 

1) Optimus Prime - Lets face it, there is no such thing as the perfect man (unless you're Jesus Christ... but then again he is also God... so... it doesn't really count). Optimus Prime is probably the closest thing which comes close.

Australia is Trying to Kill me!!!

The entire country of Australia is out to get me! That's right, I am about 99.99999 % sure that a hit was put out on me, and when I say 'hit,' I mean a bird crapped on my car... I could have died! I mean, what if this happened when I was driving? I could have tried to clean it off with my wipers, then it would be all smeared - I could get into a serious accident! I know you're dying to know how this came about, so here is what happened:

I did something so horrible, I am still regretting it now... I went into the Outback Steakhouse to ask a question (if you don't know what this is, it's an Australian restaurant in the United States). ANYWAY, I went in for about 5 minutes at the most, and what did I find when I left? A bird s#*t on my car! Never in my life has this happened... I'm pretty certain that there is a direct link to the Outback being Australian and the damn bird! I bet it was an Australian bird... bastard! Needless to say, I felt horrible... I can't believe I committed such a hideous act! Never again...

Puppies are Better than Boyfriends!

There is no such thing as having an ex-puppy, so why are people so fixated on getting a boyfriend or girlfriend? Dogs are clearly a better choice of companion, I mean come on, there is no such thing as an ex-puppy! To prove that puppies are a better choice, I have come up with a top ten list of reasons puppies are better than boyfriends, and or girlfriends.

Isn't my puppy adorable?!

1) Puppies love you unconditionally. Even if you put on a few pounds, a puppy will always love you, no strings attached.

2) Puppies are better listeners. You can sit with a puppy all day long talking to them, and they will happily cuddle beside you, listening to everything you have to say. Granted, they may occasionally fall asleep, you can't really get mad at them because they are so darn cute!

3) Puppies feel guilty when they do something wrong. Boyfriends or girlfriends may try to talk their way out of getting in trouble. A puppy feels bad if they do something wrong, typically sulking with their tail between their legs.

4) A puppy will never cheat! When you come home, your puppy will always be there waiting for you while wagging their tail, not canoodling after some floozie or man-whore.

5) If you show a puppy affection they will return it with no strings attached. A puppy doesn't expect anything in return from their love, they are genuine when they show affection.

6) All you need to do to keep a puppy loving you forever is feed it and give attention. You don't need to go out and buy expensive gifts.

7) Puppies don't pretend to know how to do something, so you're not going to have the following conversation: "yeah, I can totally bench 300 pounds... no biggie...", obviously they would try and fail.

8) Puppies aren't going to be an arrogant douches. They are pretty down to earth, and don't try to be better than another person's puppy. They are who they are, and that's more than enough for me!

9) Puppies won't come home drunk because they don't drink alcohol, and more often than not, they stay at home.

10) Puppies are freaking adorable! More adorable than any person!!!! It's a scientific fact ;)

As you can see, there are a lot of reasons that puppies are better that boyfriends and girlfriends. So what are you waiting for? Go out and get yourself a puppy today!!!

How to Start a Band

Recently I've been thinking about how awesome it would be to be in a band again. I have been in a ton of church bands, and a "normal" band called Talk Like June... seems like forever ago to me. I only played one show with the band, but this is what we sounded like:

Before you ask, no, I was not in the video. We didn't really have any videos while I was in the group... While I was in the band I played keyboard, synthesizer, keytar, and did backup vocals. I miss it!!!! Growing up I played classical piano for about 7 years, violin for 3, and I taught myself to play guitar. I think I'm going to start playing guitar and piano again, and beg anyone who can actually sing really well to give me voice lessons so I can sound halfway decent. Any takers???? I'll give you a high five ^_^

Since I've been in a band myself, clearly I know the basic steps to start one. If you are interested, here are some basic pointers:

1) Find someone to play or sing lead - this could be a vocalist, guitarist, pianist, keytarist (don't knock it till you try), etc. This person is going to be playing the basic tune of the songs.

2) Get that rhythm! Doesn't take a rocket scientist what this means - this is drums and or rhythm guitar. Ideally you want both, but as a start-up you can just go with one (drums are going to be more helpful to make sure that people are playing at the same time, provided your drummer doesn't suck!)

3) Practice makes perfect - It may seem cliche, but you really do need to practice. After a while you kinda get the hang of everyone's style, and practices may need less time. Of course, if you enjoy playing practicing won't be a horrible thing.

4) Get out there - Like with many things, like dating, making friends, etc., you just have to get out there. If you are too shy to get on a stage in front of a ton of people, start with small groups of friends and family.

5) Calm down! - If someone makes a critique of your band, try not to take it to heart. Criticism can actually help you perform better. Maybe write them down as "suggestions" in a notebook so you can work on them. Something as small as changing a word can make a difference to your self confidence.

If you have a love / passion for music, there is nothing quite like performing for people. If this helps you, feel free to post a link to your new band so I can check them out. I'm always looking for new / awesome bands.

I Want to be Vulcan

At times I wish I was like Spock from Star Trek... able to turn off feelings. Sure he had human emotions, but he was still a Vulcan at heart. I want to be an emotionless Vulcan! To many people it may seem like a strange desire, but I'm over stupid feelings right now.

Today I was incredibly happy and just felt completely at peace... I had a productive day at work, went to yoga and owned, played darts and got a bullseye... then I got home and started browsing the interweb. Unfortunately I came across something which started a chain reaction, ending with me feeling sad. Long story short, I remembered what time of the year it was. If you know me pretty well, you might know what or who I am talking about, but then again, you may not. It is more likely that you won't know...

It seriously sucks how thinking about something or someone can completely turn an awesome day into something else. I really do wish that I had selective memory, or that I could erase a specific time period. As much as I cherish the memories, I would give them up so I didn't have to feel the way I do every time the same stupid memories come up. I was enjoying being happy today, but noooooo... Hannah had to get reminded of things that make her want to cry.

If anyone has figured out time travel, I would greatly appreciate it if they could let me know. At this point, time travel seems more of a possibility than changing into a Vulcan... I would love to have a "do-over" and stop specific things from happening. I understand that I wouldn't be the same person and all of that junk, but I'm so over these stupid feelings!

And now I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself, get my things ready for work tomorrow, and pretend like everything is fine... I will get through this, just like everything else... *sigh* I seriously need to stop writing blogs when I'm upset... I promise my next blog will be less depressing. Sorry everyone :(

Bad News Guy.... I'm Not a Mutant

I wish I was a mutant like Jean Gray / the Phoenix 

This year is my 10 year anniversary with migraines. I was hoping that it would be a special year, that I would receive something nice from migraines, but I didn't even receive a card...   The one thing that I was really hoping for was that I was becoming like Jean Gray from X-Men. I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Controlling things with your mind... reading people's thoughts... If only that were possible.

Today my dreams were crushed! I found out some pretty news which was quite upsetting: I am not a mutant. How did I find this out? I had an MRI today, and aside from feeling really dizzy / having to wait about 5 or 10 minutes before I could drive home, the magnetic field did not increase any mental abilities. I was incredibly disappointed!  Being a mutant would somewhat validate having migraines, but nooooooo, a small thing called reality is standing in my way!

Instead of being a mutant I got to have wonderful looks from people wondering why I have a bandage wrapped around my arm. That's always fun... people wondering if you're taking crack... because apparently crack is a more logical explanation than a 23 year old having an MRI.

Just One of Those Days

Today was one of those days... the ones that you just step back and say "wow, this is what my life is right now," and I don't necessarily mean that in a good way. Moving half way across the world doesn't always seem like a good decision. I've missed so much and have less to show for it than I have lost. Everyone has changed, and some of the people closest to me now seem like strangers. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me... and there is nothing I can really do about it. I made the decision to move across the world, and it's not like I can take anything back (last I checked time travel has not been invented yet).

I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea where I am going to be in 6 months, nor do I know what I'll be doing. Sure this may be concerning to many people, but it is particularly annoying to me because I don't like not knowing what is going to happen. I like to be in control of my life, but clearly I'm not. The older I get, the more I understand the phrase "just go with it." As much as it bugs me, it's my only option. So yeah... I'm just going to see where life leads me.

Top Ten Stupid Questions People Ask Me

Moving across the world has its advantages, and disadvantages. You can start everything from scratch, but depending on where you go, you may encounter some of the most ridiculous questions. In the four years I have been in the United States, I have been both shocked and amazed by some of the questions people come up with. Don't believe me? Keep reading:

1) Where are you from? 
To be honest, this has just become an expected question when meeting people. For a while it kinda bugged me because people would just focus on where I was from instead of getting to know me, for me. Now, I'm over it / don't even care anymore... but that might be because I'm over caring what people think of me.

2) So... New Zealand is in Europe, right? 

I kid you not, this is potentially the second most common questions I received from about 2008 to 2010. If I am asked again, I will pretend it is... I feel sorry for the next poor soul who asks. My most common response has always been: "uhhh... no, it's south..." When asked how south, "like Antarctica south." The best part of my final comment is seeing the look of shame on the other person's face. It's a beautiful thing!

3) Are you from Greenland? 
I was unaware that I looked Danish or Inuit. Perhaps I'm missing something, and I do look like one of about 57,000 who live in Greenland. The native language is not English... my accent should give away the fact that I'm not from Greenland...

4) Do you have kangaroos in New Zealand? 
Where is the only place in the world that actually has kangaroos? If you answered anything other than Australia, you are an absolute moron. The ONLY place in the world that kangaroos naturally occur is Australia. Guess what? New Zealand is not Australia... SHOCKING!!!!!

5) Do your toilets really flush the other way? 
I'm sorry, but when I'm going to the toilet, I'm kinda not focusing on what way the water flows. To be perfectly honest, I have never really looked, and I really don't care. Apparently it does, but I'm the last person to ask... if you have a fascination with toilets, google it.

6) New Zealand actually exists? I thought it was just made up for Lord of the Rings. 
Yes, we are a real country! If New Zealand wasn't real I either 1) have an incredibly active imagination or 2) came directly from J. R. R. Tolkien's imagination. There is a thing called a map... perhaps you should try looking at it occasionally ;)

7) Were you in the Lord of the Rings movies?
When asked this I am so incredibly tempted to just mess with people and say yes, but no, I was not in any of the Lord of the Rings movies.

8) Does your whole family have an accent? Ummm... yeah! Seriously people... 

9) Do you have McDonald's in New Zealand? 

There are McDonald's in most countries. New Zealand is not a developing country. Comparatively we are small, but if Thailand, Yemen, and Samoa have a McDonald locations.... it can't really be that difficult to believe.

10) You speak English really well, was it hard to learn?Yes, it was really difficult when I was a baby... There is a reason I speak English pretty well, I grew up speaking it! New Zealand is an English speaking country. The only thing I really had to adjust to was the dialect, and learned a few new words / dropped some.

Okay, so some of the questions are not completely ridiculous, but there are a few in there that make me wonder "are you on crack?" Seriously, if you have asked me the ridiculous ones, are you on crack???? Before you open your mouth, think long and hard before letting the words spill out! Who knows, perhaps your comment will become the subject of my next blog?

You're fine, but... you need to tell your doctor

For those of you who don't know, I have been getting migraines for... about 10 years now. Tired almost everything, and FINALLY found something that worked about a year ago... but it's slowly becoming less and less effective. Anyway, today I was at work and started to get a migraine. Toward the end of the day the new guy asked me a question. Just as I was about to answer I put my hand up to my nose because it felt funny, pull my hand away, and GROSS! My nose just randomly started bleeding. The first nose bleed I have ever had in my life! Ever! After it finally stopped I continued working as usual, but was REALLY wanting to go home because my head felt bad. When I did get off work I decided to be on the safe side and visit the school nurse. When I saw her she did the usual questioning, and took my blood pressure (which was unusually high for me). Her final verdict was: "you don't have anything to worry about, but you need to tell your doctor"... really? I need to tell my doctor? Thanks for that contradictory statement. If I was "fine", there would be no need for other medical involvement. I just love when medical professionals contradict themselves!

Anyway! This song doesn't really fit... and I've done enough venting for the day. I promise, my next blog will be... better, or more enjoyable to read. I'm thinking about writing one about stupid questions people ask me ;)

This week I was proposed to by a gay guy, and I said yes!

Some people attract nice guys... some horrible guys... I, on the other hand, attract gay men. That's right, gay men want to marry me. I've been asked by a gay man, on more than one occasion, to marry him. This fact is somewhat concerning to me, as I've never thought I looked particularly man'ish.

Anyway, here is what happened:

I was talking to my friend on Facebook chat and mentioned that I made a pact with another gay friend of mine. The pact is that if we are both single at 70, we will get married. The age thing was his idea, because he wanted to give himself enough time to find love, so we agreed on 70. When I told my friend about this (over Facebook chat), he said "no, you are marrying me! You need a real man!" Naturally, I was swooning all over myself, and agreed to the proposal.

I'm just going to tell myself that I don't look like a man... And whatever the reason for these proposals, I'm just going to tell myself that I turn gay men straight... Haha!!!

Modelling - Twisted Souls

There are few things I love in my life more than shoes. To be perfectly frank, there are probably less than 10 things because lets face it... shoes are amazing! Anyway, yesterday I got the chance to be in a commercial for Twisted Souls Footwear. The commercial isn't out yet, and it was only my second video shoot (the first being for MiraCosta College), so I promise nothing about the quality of my "modelling." As payment for my services (sitting, standing, walking, and smiling) I got a free pair of Twisted Souls, and they are amazing! The soles are so comfortable it's ridiculous! They practically hug your feet.

Before you ask, no, the girl in the picture is not me. Now that's out of the way, I can continue. The best thing about these shoes (in my opinion) is that the laces are interchangeable. I can finally put my shoelace collection to good use. Yes, I have a shoelace collection... don't judge me! In short, I got free shoes to do nothing! Even though I'm not a "model", nor do I have a lot of experience modelling, I would have to say that it was the best gig ever! Yay for free shoes ^_^

Note To Self...

Dear 18 Year Old Me:

I know that you think you know what you want in life, but I can assure you that you don't... Not really anyway. Many people will come and go throughout your life, but don't forget to remember who has been there for you no matter what.

18 Year Old Me, don't be so trusting because you will only end up hurting yourself. You are going to encounter people who claim to care about you, but they really don't. You are also going to meet people who mean so much to you that they might as well be family. When people earn your trust, cherish their friendship with everything you have. I know that you will already do that, but you can't appreciate loved ones too much.

Don't forget that it doesn't matter what people think. You care too much about making other people happy over yourself. Sometimes you need to be selfish (and yes, I know I will be rolling my eyes at myself because I don't think I should). Don't jeopardize your values, beliefs, and happiness for others - if you do, you will only be miserable.

18 Year Old Me, before you travel literally half way across the world for something you think you want, please consider what you will be giving up. Think it over long and hard, because honestly right now I am wondering what the Hell I was thinking.

And finally, never stop working toward bettering yourself for you, not anyone else. I hope we find happiness and peace wherever our life may take us.

Thoughtfully,

23 Year Old Me

Screw Valentines Day!

It's almost that time of year again, Valentines day, the day which is dedicated to making those with significant others feel special, and those without out one painfully aware how completely alone they really are. If you are going to be alone this Valentines day, perhaps you will find yourself asking questions such as this: Am I really that unattractive? Does my personality suck? Does everyone really dislike me? Is it even possible for me to be loved? Although some may think those are true about themselves, you can't just focus on the fact that you are companion-less and no one wants to be in a long term committed relationship with you. Yes it may be hard, but have you ever considered that you may not have found the right person. That person you are so desperately seeking may not even turn up until you are 80 years old!


Be My Valentine!


Just because you don't have a Valentine, doesn't mean you are any less important than anyone else. It doesn't mean that you aren't beautiful, and it certainly doesn't mean you wouldn't be loved. It is better to focus on the things in life which don't completely suck, like having the few close friends who even in spite of all your flaws love you unconditionally. The friends who would do almost anything to make sure you are okay - those friends are worth more than any stupid box of chocolates. Those delicious chocolates that you are missing out on are only going to make their recipient fat... and if they don't, screw them! And screw that damn box of chocolates! Hell, I have only got two boxes of chocolates in my life, and only one boyfriend has ever given me a bouquet of flowers, so screw flowers too!!!!!

There are only 1 1/2 weeks to go before the big day comes, and I know for a fact that I will not have a Valentine, obviously because I am such a hideous creature! In case you can't tell, that comment was dripping with sarcasm (to the right you will see a picture of me, judge for yourself). Since I will be alone, I have decided to have everyone be my Valentine. I won't be getting everyone flowers or chocolate, but that isn't really what Valentines day is about anyway. It's about some guy back in the day who was martyred for performing wedding ceremonys. Seriously, Valentines day is really about death!!!! Even though I won't be giving everyone flowers or chocolate, will you be my Valentine???

How to Deal With Haters

Hate is like an STD, it can pass on to unsuspecting people who do not deserve to be put through drama. To all you haters out there, I'm cool with your disliking me. Why? Because I probably dislike you even more than you don't like me! Over the last year I have been screwed over by multiple people I have trusted, even those who claimed that I was one of the "best" friends. Now, I could be all bitter and vengeful, but it's not worth it, you're not worth it. There are a few things which you can do to deal with those nasty haters:

1) Don't give a f#*k: If you give haters any type of reaction which shows that they have gotten under your skin, that will only fuel them. Even if it bugs the hell out of you, act like it doesn't.

2) Keep your friends close, and your enemies at bay... but make sure you keep an eye on them. You don't want any nasty surprises. Surround yourself by people you can actually trust. If someone shows any signs of being a lying [insert word], CUT THEM from your life!

3) Delete and Block! Possibly one of my favorite pastimes is deleting people on Facebook, but there is one thing which can make it that little bit sweeter - the block option! Delete and block those haters! Lets face it, they deserve it. If you are unsure of how to block people on Facebook, click here. Blocking allows you to be absolutely invisible to the haters and vice versa, particularly wonderful if you have mutual friends.

4) Stay Classy San Diego. It doesn't actually matter if you are in San Diego or not, make sure you don't stoop to their level. There is no reason for you to act like a classless bastard. If they are spreading lies and blackening your name, who cares? If people are honestly going to believe the lies, they aren't your real friends.

5) Live your life. The best revenge is happiness, so live life like there is no tomorrow. Stop trying to please people and start living for you. Of course this doesn't mean ignoring other people and thinking you are God's gift to mankind. Quite simply, it means don't do things that make you unhappy to make others happy. I have been guilty of doing this a few times, but after this year I just don't care anymore. If my happiness offends you, feel free to walk out of my life for good.

There is almost no way around it, at some point in your life, whether you realize it or not, you are going to encounter haters. This doesn't mean that they have the right to bring you down. Don't forget, haters usually hate people for three reasons:

1. They are jealous of you / want to be you 
2. They hate themselves. 
3. They are threatened by you

Dear Computer,

We have been together for just over a year now. You have helped me through various semesters of school, including one which for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to take three honors classes at one time - SOOOOO fun!

You really do mean a lot to me, but your behavior lately has been unacceptable! Even though you are a fat whore (old refurbished computer), I have stood by you when others would have just gone to BestBuy and brought a newer, sexier computer. I have been nothing but loyal, you decide it's a good idea to skip videos and take forever to load things. I am going to try and get you help, as soon as I can, but please, when you see my computer nerd friend, please cooperate! He is only trying to help you so I don't end up throwing you off the balcony.

Hopefully my request has not fallen on deaf circuits. I would greatly appreciate your cooperation. Please computer... stop with these shenanigans! Listen, I am alone without a computer at a crossroads, please computer... listen!

Yours Sincerely,

Hannah

The Evolution of the Rape Whistle

I'm guessing most people haven't thought about how rape whistles have changed over the years. If you really think about it, the reason behind a rape whistle is to gain a person's attention so they are able to save you from being raped. So one could argue that the "whistle" was around well before it was given the name. From humble beginning of shouting "help me, I am about to be raped" to a rape whistle application for droids and iPhones, the "whistle" has come a long way! Seriously, there is a rape whistle app! I looked it up as a joke one time, and guess what? I found one... [click here to deter rapists] I'm not 100 percent positive that apple has an application, but I'm guessing if droid has it there should be an equivalent.

Although the the rape whistle is somewhat flawed (think about how many people get raped even though they initiate the correct steps for using the whistle), the reasoning is far from it. People should not be raped! If you are someone who has ever considered raping someone, please do not do it! Read these tips and put those tips into practice: [click here to stop raping people]. If you are a person concerned that there is a chance that you may be raped, I would suggest finding something aside from a whistle to protect you. Perhaps take martial arts? Get a taser or pepper spray? You could even go as far as hiring a bodyguard to follow you around 24 hours a day - just make sure that this person is not a rapist...

Get a Life!!!!

Are you tired of spending hours a day online going through your friends' Facebook profiles? Do you spend more time interacting with people online than in person?  With the internet it is now easier than ever to stalk people / find out almost every detail about their private life without even speaking to them. I find that incredibly creepy / stalker'ish... Maybe it is time for you to get a life? I mean come on voyeurism is kinda creepy... If you find yourself vicariously living through other people's life perhaps you need to reexamine your lifestyle. Don't worry, I have compiled a small list of things that can help you get a life.

1) Put yourself out there. Participate in at least one social activity a week. It's not healthy to only spend time interacting with people online or over the phone. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time you will start to gain more confidence. No, work does not count even if you like your job.

2) Break up with your computer. You aren't dating your computer, so if you spend 25 to 50 percent of your time online, you may have a problem. The less you are online, the more time you have to actually foster relationships with real people instead of a computer. There are a couple of small exceptions to this for people whose friends and families are overseas. Skype, email, or live chat are wonderful tools to keep in touch with people across the globe.

3) Hello stranger! When you pass by a stranger, smile and say hello. This will not only brighten their day, but it will help you with any feelings of social awkwardness. Yes, you may feel incredibly uncomfortable at first, but in time it will become second nature. Your happy face and kind words may just make someone's day!

4) Wear your clothes, don't let them wear you! Okay, this tip is kinda shallow, but lets face it, most people are visual. Are you going to want to socialize with a person who looks like a homeless person? Probably not. When you are dressed well or make a little extra effort getting ready for the day, typically your confidence level is higher. If you are unsure about how to dress, read my blog 'Ten Things You Should NEVER Wear.' Even though this is somewhat contradictory, dress for you, not other people.

Me and my homeboy Indiana Jones

5) Phone a friend. After years of isolation surfing the inter-web, you may have slight social anxiety. If you are anxious about going out in public, try to find someone you trust and confide in them. A nice way to somewhat get around your fear is asking a friend to accompany you on your weekly social expeditions.

There is more to life than cyberspace, and it is much more enjoyable when you actually interact with people. If people are too intimidating, why not start with a scarecrow and slowly work your way to a real live person? My friend Mr. Jones would be more than happy to act as a substitute for a real live person. Heck, if you are too scared to talk to a real person, why not use the very thing which has made you anti-social, technology. Either get an iPhone 4S or download the droid application Iris (an application which came out 48 hours after Apple came out with Siri - the app is essentially the same). At least you will have practice saying things out loud instead of mindlessly typing whatever comes to mind. To anyone reading this who feels as though they are socially awkward, I wish you all the best. If you require any additional "pointers" about how to enrich your social life, feel free to leave a comment. In all honesty, with no added sarcasm, the world needs to become more focused on interpersonal relationships.