I Like to Use Big Words so You Can't Understand Me!

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but people are dumb! Really, through my job I have been exposed to the true ignorance of the general population. Before I was in a nice bubble of intelligence at my school, but after being thrust into the cold dark world which is full of people who don't even know simple spelling and grammar rules I am stunned! To be fair, I may just have encountered people who need to go back to kindergarten by chance, but that doesn't change my mind. I like to use large words which confuse the living daylights out of these people. The horrors which I have beheld have compelled me to give my audience an English lesson!!! I know that the excitement is almost overwhelming, but please try to compose yourself.

Lesson one: The use of 'there', 'their', and 'they're

Yes, these words do sound the same, but their meaning and intended use is different = SHOCKING! There means: in or at that place (opposite to here), at that point in an action, or into or to that place. Examples: "we went there last," "they stopped there to rest," and "She is over there." Their is the possessive form of the word 'they'. It is also used in place of the definite masculine form of 'his' or the definite feminine form for 'her'. Examples: "their car, their feelings, their departure for New Zealand," "someone left their book on the table," and "did everyone bring their lunch." They're is a contraction of they are. If you don't know what contraction means in this case: putting the two words together, so they're = they are!


Get it? If not, you had better do some additional research before writing me a letter!

Lesson 2: Misusing the word 'literally'

Anyone who reads The Oatmeal will know exactly what I am talking about! When you say the word 'literally' it means "actually or without exaggeration." So if you plan on saying "I literally died laughing," you had better be dead! When you use the word 'literally' it means that whatever "literally" happened, actually happened. I realize this may be a difficult concept to grasp for some people, but seriously, for the good of all mankind learn to use the word correctly. If that isn't enough info, check out what the oatmeal has to say about the word 'Literally'.





And that is all for now. Perhaps in the future I shall continue this lesson... I sincerely hope that at least one person on the planet who reads this will start using 'there', 'their', and 'they're' correctly, and thinks about the next time they throw out the word 'literally'. Like my mother always said: "think before you open your mouth," or in some cases write.