Top 5 Reasons Chuck Norris Should Run For President

With the upcoming 2012 electing approaching I have been bombarded with political information, and the sad thing is, even if I could vote, I wouldn't choose either of the candidates for president. If I could, I would vote for someone different.

You may be asking yourself who I would choose, and the answer is really quite obvious! There is only one person who comes to mind... A man who is intelligent beyond comprehension and stronger than any force imaginable. Who is this mystery man? Chuck Norris! It is an widely known fact that Chuck Norris is pretty darn amazing at absolutely everything. Chuck Norris has broken the speed of light and sound! He has also already explored every part of outer-space! You name it, if he wanted to, Chuck Norris could do it. But why president of the United States? Here is why: 

5) International Security: With Chuck Norris as President no country would dare start a war and democracy (or chuckocracy) would be practiced worldwide.

4) Intelligence: Chuck Norris is like Santa Claus. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Chuck Norris actually knows everything. It is a fact that all government and military branches go to Chuck Norris for intelligence information. If not roundhouse kicked to the face, the information they receive saves billions of lives. Chuck Norris is the one who informed the United States government of the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden. 

3) National Defense: Lets face it - with Chuck Norris as President there would be no need for any type of defense system. The military would exist purely for aesthetic reasons. Chuck Norris would personally train the entire U.S. military, and even donate his beard clippings to make Kevlar vests and other bullet proof materials.

2) Environmental Sustainability: Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick), and if tapped a single Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick could power the United States, along with the rest of the world, infinitely. 

1) He is Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris is better at everything than everyone who has ever existed and will exist. He has broken every record imaginable, and the only person who could ever beat Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. It goes without saying 

Electing Chuck Norris as President of the United States is the  best and only way to fix every problem not only in the United States, but also worldwide! It is also the only way world peace will come about. Chuck Norris is the way to a better tomorrow!

Chuck Norris for 2012 President of the United States!!!!

Five Reasons Women Hate Me

Recently it has come to my attention that women hate me. Why? Simply because I exist. I haven't done anything to "provoke" said hatred, however it seems to be quite abundant.

I've been attempting to come up with a logical explanation for this phenomena. Perhaps I'm too bitchy? Maybe a horrible person? ... but then my true friends tell me to stop being stupid because I am none of those.Over the last few weeks here is what I have come up with so far:

5) They feel inferior because my GPA is bigger than theirs! Intelligence is threatening to some people. I personally don't think I am particularly intelligent, but I have been told that this is one of the many factors which attribute to females hating me.

4) I have awesome fashion sense, I mean look at the picture to the right... there is a freaking bird on my sweater!!! How awesome is that? If you are wanting one of these lovely creations you are out of luck. I fashioned this snazzy number out of Christmas tree decorations and staples - true story!

If you are legitimately wondering why the heck I would wear such an ugly thing, it is because I entered an ugly sweater contest. Needless to say, I won.

3) I have a pretty sweet mustache. I've been growing it for almost 24 years! I get compliments about it all the time. Try not to be too jealous of me though. I mean, it's not a "real" mustache... With enough practice your mustache can be as awesome as mine... maybe!

If you're not able to perfect the finger mustache, you do have the option of buying a stick-on mustache. You can even get one for your car!

2) I particularly enjoy being in the kitchen <--- true story! Whenever anyone tells me to get back to the kitchen, I am more than happy to oblige. Being in the kitchen brings me immense joy, which cannot be obtained by being in the living room, laundry room, or even the hallway. The kitchen is a happy place for me. I could spend hours on end in the kitchen making delicious treats.

In all seriousness, I do enjoy cooking/baking, and would honestly like to start my own bakery one day... *fingers crossed it happens!* The cupcakes on the right are actually cupcakes I made. They were margarita cupcakes, and they tasted pretty darn fantastic. If I remember correctly, I made 48 of them for Cinco de Mayo, and they were demolished! 

1) I have a Harry Potter outfit, which includes a cape. I'm pretty sure this needs no explanation. This outfit has a cape, so it is amazing by default! Try not to be too jealous of me... you can get your very own in a Halloween store, which happen to be opening at this time of year. I don't usually like dressing up, but last Halloween I decided to give it a go again. I definitely enjoyed myself. I didn't really appreciate the sexual jokes about magic wands and such, but I guess that can't be helped.

On a side note: the shoes didn't come with the outfit, but I'm sure you can find something to match the outfit.

My life's ambition is not to please anyone else. I'm going to act, dress, and be who I want to be, not who you want me to be! If my existence offends you, too bad. You and your ovaries can get over it!

Creepers - ruining beautiful moments since forever!

Today I went on a wonderful 21 mile bike ride. The sun was shining, the scenery was beautiful, and there was a lovely ocean breeze. Some people would probably cringe at the very thought of such an activity, but I thought it would be the perfect way for me to spend my one day off this week.

Initially I planned to do a 20 mile bike ride. I mapped out my route, and set out. Along the way I encountered a couple of people who waved or politely said hi, but nothing too bad. I was pretty thrilled that I was being left alone for the majority of the ride. At the half way point I decided to take a detour to the beach. I like to go there to just sit and think... and clear my mind.

I stopped at the beach, and the scenery was so beautiful I decided to take a photo. So there I was, taking a picture, when some creeper said hi to me. I ignored him, and proceeded to take another picture. For some reason this idiot felt that my ignoring him was an invitation to sit in front of me with his guitar and attempt to talk to me. It wasn't. When he sat down, he asked me how my bike was. I said "it's good," and rode off.

My beautiful beach moment was ruined by a creeper! So here, creeper. Here is a note I have composed from the bottom of my heart. I hope you enjoy it!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Creeper,

Why would you even attempt to confront a woman who is by herself? I was clearly ignoring you / not even acknowledging your existence. Do you think I want to be hit on by stupid creepers? NO, I don't! Do us both a favor, and prevent yourself from seeming like a rapist, don't approach females when they are alone in a semi-secluded area. Hell, don't approach them at all if they look like they want to be left alone. It's not like I was sitting there looking around for someone to talk to. I was still on my bike, taking a picture!

Sincerely,

Me

P.s. I'm not impressed by the fact that you can play the guitar. I can play the guitar, piano, and violin. You actually sucked at playing the guitar.